Today...me...

I want something

What a stupefied ambiance this thought brings to me. Something that is outside of my reach...

residing in the shadows...

calling with familiarity I have never known but long to...really

This one is about me...and...

I want something...

(sullen whisper) I really do....

In the corner of my mind, a far away corner...I think about it...

I wonder about it sometimes...and lately... sometimes.... has become daily.

It used to be a non thought

a

well...

non issue...

But not anymore. I am here right now thinking about what to say, wondering if this lcd screen has any chance at entangling my real thoughts..my real emotions..my real ..real.

real... heart.

Contentment is such an art.

Not a decision, an art.

A sculpture..a statue...set in stone that needs color, that needs breath, that needs a soul to actually cause it to take effect on our lives. The target is set, and the goal is visible...contentment of where I am at right now..right here...truly an art....and i'm not an artist.

what do you want?

Love?

Acceptance?

Peace?

a candy bar?

a.....a.....

na....

not this time...

stop it David...stop

not this one...

I haven't learned enough to do anything but be thinking out loud and wondering how to capture myself,

those last words were just a divergence...a way to escape my vulnerability.

...it's me this time. I am the one...

I am the one I ran into.

I am the one...hopecasting....

I ran into myself on todays road___right there===sitting+++desiring~~~wanting.

I want something.

I'm OK if I don't get it....but I want it.

You may never know what it is...you may never guess where this desire wells from...but you may have talked about it with me. Reminded me...pulled my mind inside out...without even knowing it...I hide things better than you know..I cover myself sometimes..and hide

your there

Never knowing what I am really felling...never will you know...it's not for you..and it's ok...it's mine...believe me....it's cool...were cool!

~~~~~~~I want something...Keyword I

i want something...

So right now as I sit and type this. I am listening to classical music...the first song I heard tonight was...funny..... designed to remind me....really...specifically remind me. JL..M...T..I.K...code ...but I don't want to forget...and I dont want you to know..it hurts a bit too much...

I didn't set it up that way..I didn't pick the song, I just turned on my radio...I just >tuned in.

So I sit..I am not smiling...I almost am in tears...

I want something...

I want

I ..............am...........well.....

practicing my art..I'm going to practice my art....see it ...you see a smile...but closer....no closer still....see it....just a small touch of color...on the open part of the statues hand..look close..yeah right there...

I'm OK...just ok

I want something....something I may never have...

I'll just sit here...for a second...

Gretch just got home...I like her! She brings more color..she's an artist you know...she paints for me....she paints beautifully.