Mike died!

A voice starts his fade...

But it won't be lost...

I want to capture it here.

I thought about him tonight while running ...I just had some coffee (Real SB...from other friends..from Seattle).

Ok, first off who was he? He was a friend of mine...brought into my life by another friend...His name was Mike. I used his name on purpose, he would have wanted it that way. Mike had a big problem with drugs, he would have wanted you to know that! He was a Christian (at least that's what he said), and he would have wanted you to know that. He died suddenly last week...and from what I can tell it was from the drugs...Damn dumb...

I let him down a-lot. I hate that about myself. I hate that I can't just "be there" when someone needs me. I hate that I have to prioritize my time carefully...and I sometimes miss...like this one....like Mike. 

So what about him...well...he was a freakin mess. I remember when he went off the steroids, and looked normal for the first time. He felt skinny..but he smiled anyway. He was a MESS. His life was all over the place...his world was always spinning out of control...he had bad anger problems...but 

but

Boy did he cry...he really cried...he really mourned. I was with him when he did it sooooo many times at the coffee shop.

He was exactly who he was...and he didn't hide it. He was authentic...screwed up to the hilt....but authentic.

That's his legacy you know.

A fearless close up view of the human soul..unabated... expressed by a life lived naked.

I always laugh at that word...naked...what a great word though. "They were naked and not ashamed"...if you think that has to do with clothing...I think your missing a-lot. I am often without clothes in my fallen state and "not ashamed" (arrogant dork!)...it wasn't their cloths...it was their souls. If you haven't figured it out I am talking about Adam/Eve....and...Mike

He would smile at you and tell you anything you wanted to know...even the crap.

I want to be naked too...I want to learn to live unafraid of what you think...I want to be me...God knows me (it isn't like I am fooling Him)...so why should I worry about you. I guess I am afraid of being lonely...afraid that everyone will leave me...funny though...I wonder how many would actually (and maybe for the first time) be attracted to me...funny thought.

One more thing about Mike...he called himself a Christian...a druggy Christian. I don't know who reads this, but I want to defend an aspect of him for just a moment.

The Christian life is like a marathon (I run them so I can speak a bit to this). Imagine a finish line...and someone starts one mile from it. When they come across it a few minutes later...they would look awesome...they probably would have been able to go the whole way without stopping..they would have barely broken a sweat. 

Now 3 hour and 30 minutes later...here I come...I look like hell.

I smell bad, my body is screaming, I am hunched over, I look like I just fell down a flight of stairs...and I feel worse than I look. 

The point is though I started 26.2 miles back. And I have pushed it through...through every pain..through every ache...I pushed it through.

So there we stand...me and the guy who started a mile away and me...

Who had the bigger accomplishment?

Who has really taken on the challenge?

duh...

This is the Christian life. On the issues, some start close to line where they can conquer their weaknesses...some start way further away.

Today...I ran a measly 4 miles....what made me think of him on my run though was this. 2 miles in..I stopped...I stopped...It was too much for me....so I just walked for a minute or so...2 little miles in....we of the "trade" call that a bonk.

I bonked.

Mike had come a million miles in his life...but last week...he just bonked...that simple...

Sometimes, people just bonk.....wait though....what did I just think of...

I thought of God..saying what my wife would say if I bonked in an actual marathon....what she would do if I bonked...

She would take me in her arms...console me..and remind me how far I really had gone (training and all)...

Ahhhhhh yes....a simple human with compassion..... how much more did God just hug Mike....

Way to go dude...way to go...good bye buddy!  Your screwed up..messed up..naked...authentic... voice won't completely fade...no way...

you would have wanted it that way!