Floating Down

There we were at a Starbucks. Yep that glorious place where you pay big bucks for brown water and a chance at shifting your life. There we were having a bold conversation about living, and mostly about loving. Why would you ever describe it as BOLD? Why not heart felt, why not deep...why bold. Because boldness is where the heart changes...its where rivers that have been flowing since the persons first breath are turned.... the behemoth stands in the middle of the river and the course of a life is changed.
Risk. Nothing more than the willingness to lose the other person as a friend, and possibly lose any hope of ever being with them again. Not so scary if you remember that life is brief (I call BS..it is sooooo hard and scary).Life is brief though, no it really is. Ask my friends whom I have lost. Ask Craig, Ask Burke, Ask Dave. It's a speckle of dust floating down from a ceiling...nope shorter...it's more like that brief instant it catches your eye as light catches it...it's that brief. God I miss knowing that I could see those guys anytime. The ones I lost...but thank you God that I know the question really matters because I lost them.


So the question is asked

The BIG one...The BOLD one..the ONE

"are you lovable"? ...

stop...no really stop here....

are you?

or another question...are you loving them?

Please stop reading...please walk away...please please please stop and consider it...I went too fast in telling you..... so stop.

Don't pass it by....life is lame on the other side....so very lame

The fake side of life...the distraction to the question, the question we capitulate too is so limp. The other side is found in life being only about what you want and can't have...or what you want and how to get it.

Stop......freeze.....don't move for a second...please ...go back to the center question and think about it.

Can you see it....That's it in a nutshell...all of real life summed up in a statement.
Every song,
every quip,
every thought,
every directional turn that you take,
every tear,
every hope,
every moment wrapped up in the question of loved and loving.

So me...oh the tuff guy, me with my so called boldness...you sitting there with a real human soul staring back.
Me with my own questions ...me with my lack of understanding of my own thoughts...Me recognizing that I set it free...me knowing that the BIG question is loose and running wild....


There we were at Starbucks..the brown water nearing an end......and it happened...the question asked in a way that matched the moment. In a way that matched the person...and then

Then the hands already shaky...moved
Then the eyes, so tuff...centered
Then the smile...dissipated
Then the tears...welled up....in us both

They knew their answer...and they telegraphed it to me.....and me...me...me with all of my insecurities...me desperately wanting them to know they were wrong...but I can't help this one...it's bigger than me. Should I have avoided it?

I can't fix it...

should I have left it un-asked...

dang it..I can't

I get in my car to head back to life, hating and second thinking the question. Why did I go there..why....why...why...why...why.

Then I blink again.... It has to be asked.

Why ..c'mon don't you see it?

It's the dust speckle...

isn't it weird....once you see it ---you --HAVE-- to watch it to the end. You ---just---care.