He Drank The Whole Dang Thing!

$20...what would I do?


I would...well not much.... I can make $20 by making a 5 second phone call.

But DUDE!

He drank the whole thing....for $20

He drank the whole syrup carafe at Village Inn
In one fell swoop he drank it.

That's like a 1000+ calorie moment

OH MY LORD!

He then turned pale...but he was OK

I almost got sick myself watching him....

Funny I kept moving further away from him thinking "I don't want to be hit when it comes back around"

Funnier...after it was said and done...I actually felt closer to him and had a new strange respect....

DUDE!

$20....maybe it was worth it....!

Risk for gain....

Thanks for reminding me..


This time it was $20

Next time (if I re-learned my lesson well)...maybe it's for someone's soul....

Hope Castaway

Flowers.....check
Candy.......Check
Drive a hundred miles...CHEck
Get to the meeting place an hour and a half early....CHECk
Hoping for the end on loneliness.........CHECK!

Cute old guy. Asking about my "daughter" (my wife). Talking about his spunk. "I drive that Dodge Ram out there"(it was tricked out by the way), "I have a Miata too". "I go to Hawaii and snorkle every year", I do "horse cutting" (I still don't get what that really is). And on and on he went.

Then there was us. Four of us total. Me, my wife, one of our dearest surrogate daughters, and a sister of an old friend. We were already in deep relationship. We already could taste the love between us. We were completely fulfilled with each other.

Cute old guy. My new buddy. He had been around the Sun 73 times. And he was there for a blind date. He had met her on the internet (LDS singles). She was in her 50's, but he wasn't sure if she could keep up with his lifestyle. Nope not sure at all. But that wasn't the point...if memory serves correctly he "was so sick of being alone". A huge home in Wyoming, a million accomplishments, a big life...but not even close....not even close enough for fulfillment. It had to be another person.

So there he was. Alone...but waiting...just hoping...

We had to get going. I would have love to have met "her".

Then our surrogate daughter called...the "girl" never showed up.

She didn't come.

She left him alone.

She broke his little heart.

She may never know how much she missed out on.

A person who would love her desperately.
-------------

I have nothing big to say here this time.
No quip.
No opine.
No metaphor.

Just thinking to myself...I think I have adopted his hope.
I wish I could carry that burden for him.

Cute old guy!

Floating Down

There we were at a Starbucks. Yep that glorious place where you pay big bucks for brown water and a chance at shifting your life. There we were having a bold conversation about living, and mostly about loving. Why would you ever describe it as BOLD? Why not heart felt, why not deep...why bold. Because boldness is where the heart changes...its where rivers that have been flowing since the persons first breath are turned.... the behemoth stands in the middle of the river and the course of a life is changed.
Risk. Nothing more than the willingness to lose the other person as a friend, and possibly lose any hope of ever being with them again. Not so scary if you remember that life is brief (I call BS..it is sooooo hard and scary).Life is brief though, no it really is. Ask my friends whom I have lost. Ask Craig, Ask Burke, Ask Dave. It's a speckle of dust floating down from a ceiling...nope shorter...it's more like that brief instant it catches your eye as light catches it...it's that brief. God I miss knowing that I could see those guys anytime. The ones I lost...but thank you God that I know the question really matters because I lost them.


So the question is asked

The BIG one...The BOLD one..the ONE

"are you lovable"? ...

stop...no really stop here....

are you?

or another question...are you loving them?

Please stop reading...please walk away...please please please stop and consider it...I went too fast in telling you..... so stop.

Don't pass it by....life is lame on the other side....so very lame

The fake side of life...the distraction to the question, the question we capitulate too is so limp. The other side is found in life being only about what you want and can't have...or what you want and how to get it.

Stop......freeze.....don't move for a second...please ...go back to the center question and think about it.

Can you see it....That's it in a nutshell...all of real life summed up in a statement.
Every song,
every quip,
every thought,
every directional turn that you take,
every tear,
every hope,
every moment wrapped up in the question of loved and loving.

So me...oh the tuff guy, me with my so called boldness...you sitting there with a real human soul staring back.
Me with my own questions ...me with my lack of understanding of my own thoughts...Me recognizing that I set it free...me knowing that the BIG question is loose and running wild....


There we were at Starbucks..the brown water nearing an end......and it happened...the question asked in a way that matched the moment. In a way that matched the person...and then

Then the hands already shaky...moved
Then the eyes, so tuff...centered
Then the smile...dissipated
Then the tears...welled up....in us both

They knew their answer...and they telegraphed it to me.....and me...me...me with all of my insecurities...me desperately wanting them to know they were wrong...but I can't help this one...it's bigger than me. Should I have avoided it?

I can't fix it...

should I have left it un-asked...

dang it..I can't

I get in my car to head back to life, hating and second thinking the question. Why did I go there..why....why...why...why...why.

Then I blink again.... It has to be asked.

Why ..c'mon don't you see it?

It's the dust speckle...

isn't it weird....once you see it ---you --HAVE-- to watch it to the end. You ---just---care.

The stare

Preaching, singing the words were really good the music was acceptable and the moment was divulging itself as fully apropos. Some of the words threw my course in life dramatically, but the stare, yes the small squint of the eyes, that is what menaces my mind. Here’s the set-up. I went to hear some friends speak...dang they were good. Poignant and courageous would be an understatement. Then others stood to speak...sing...perform..that was predictable...a subway meatball sandwich comes to mind. The couple sat in front of me, the ones who were speaking. There kids transferring from position to position...our pew..their pew..our pew...their pew...stickers on the face...bioanicle in hand...get out of my way and give me your toys on their minds. But then...ha...the couple didn’t even see it, how could they? They were busy doing what adults do in these situations. Grabbing the kids, listening politely, thinking about the days business...but then. The dad gently caressed his brides hair. I saw it, and it endeared me, the middle child saw it too and he froze. He whom takes all things in accordance to his own worldview froze. He froze. He froze and I saw him do it. Then his eyes focused on the scene, and they slightly squinted. I live for this type of event. His entire life, the life of scattered needs and fleeting desires....focused like a pin point on his mom and dad...loving each other. Then I saw it...ever so slight but it was there...a slight upturning at the corners of his mouth. A whisper of a smile. He sat there for only a few seconds, and then went to join them and be close to them too.
This is what I took away...eyes are watching you, and Love is contagious....even when no one knows it....no too damn trite..

I took away that it matters...it all matters! More than you will ever know...to the couple ...to the boy..to me....

Wait...

That’s it...

The couple loved each other...The child was touched by that...I was touched by him...what did I do in that moment...????? Who saw me?????How did they react....
and is the ripple still pulsating out there somewhere...

thump...
thump...
thump...

Rock On.

What a holiday

This was a great holiday season for my wife and I. It was funny, with everything being so hectic, the crowds, the performances, the visits from guests, there was still a deep sense of joy and peace that was accompanying the lot. The highlight had to be the most unexpected thing. Sitting down with two friends and enjoying a cup of warm coffee and just talking. Wow, I personally received gifts that cost hundreds of dollars, I got new stuff that will fill the empty spaces (what’s left) in my home...but the time spent with them..that can have no value placed on it (I can’t say it was priceless because I think that may be trademarked...ooops just did).

Now was it because our conversation was so great....nope. Was it because we all became so much more enlightened...nope. Was it because we were finally catching up...nope..nope...nope. It was because there were four people sitting down together and being wholly authentic (something I haven’t done in a group setting in quite a while). The reason it was so impacting was that (in this day and age) there is such a draw to hide anything authentic about ourselves so that others will accept us and everything will be OK.
I HATE OK!

I am learning over and over that being in the dark does not make things OK, it makes things completely wrong and we lose the closest sense of connection there can possibly be (and this week proved that again to me). During our conversation we had (nice) conflict...we had laughter...we had “big reveals” ...and we made it through it all closer as friends and not further apart. I think each of us gave a little to the conversation and we each took more and more steps together as we gained trust.... man, I loved it and I am so excited to see where it takes our friendships.

I end this entry with one thing, the reason why I think it was so big (this conversation). I think this is how we were really designed to be.

Rock On!

Journal Launch and Life Changer B-day 38

Today I did it, I broke the sebatical. No more lack of reading, it is time to add some polish to my armory and make sure that it is no longer being made weaker from the passage of time and the lack of outside influences.


I am starting where I left off, with a book I love. Why, because it changed my life last time and spurred me on to true meditation on the God's words (which is why I started the sebatical in the first place)...why this time, well...because I now want it not for my own puffiness, but to enable me to love better.. Thanks JI... thanks for the reminder of why I want this, thanks Gretch for spurring me to do it on my birthday, and thanks to all of you.

Hopecasting.com is now launched and active and in some way you are a part of it.